5 Things This Season of The Bachelorette Can Tell Us About Communication
The entire nation is watching and has opinions on *the most dramatic season ever*. For the first time, Chris Harrison, you might actually be right... There really has been a delicious amount of drama. With the “Luke P” show on for weeks, Alabama Hannah has been given a run for her money; and, because of that, everyone gets a little dose of shock and awe to fill our Monday evenings (we’re still in mourning that it’s over!).
But it hasn’t just been Luke P (though it sometimes feels like it has). Jed has his own juicy secret all over the internet, and even sweety Petey has a little internet drama of his own. Obviously, the sexiest man alive, Tyler Cameron, just continues to be the perfect human being.
Throughout the entire season, we’ve seen lots of conflict, frustrated men, and a very frustrated Hannah. While everyone knows that the ABC producers go crazy feeding tension & drama, there are just some things that look bad however you spin it.
Thanks to Luke P, and thanks to how many of the guys handled the situation, miserable communication seems to be a huge issue. Since we all have a little something to learn and work on (besides Tyler C of course), we’ve compiled a list of things that this season can teach us about communication.
1) Communication is a give and take.
Ohhhh we saw so little of this with poor Alabama Hannah. From the viewers seeing an up close & frustrated face of our Bachelorette beauty while Luke P and Luke S fight to the men’s constant complaints AFTER Hannah’s “I can figure this out on my own” speech, there has been a whole lot of talking and not much listening this season.
While it feels nice to say your piece, healthy communication requires that both participants enter a conversation with humility and the desire to listen. The most frustrating thing when attempting to work through an issue with someone is to work through an issue, but nothing changes. Instead of going in to your next conflict with an internal list of everything your partner needs to change, address him or her with the mindset that there are important things you need to hear & change.
2) Just because someone is 90% wrong, it doesn’t give you the right to take revenge.
This is a hard lesson we all have to swallow. When someone wrongs you, especially over & over again, it is really difficult to prevent yourself from making bad choices yourself. In “The Men Tell All” episode, when the former contestants normally discuss a variety of issues + behind the scenes things from the show, viewers saw a gladiator-like battle to tear Luke P down. We heard the audience booing & laughing at Luke P, various men who spent little time on the show trashing him, and a sad, passive, yet still defensive Luke on screen.
While Luke may or may not deserve the intense criticism he received, the only person that you can truly change is yourself. In any argument or conflict, it is usually a two-way street. No one is perfect (though Tyler C has yet to prove us wrong), and at some point, it’s important to do your own little self-check in the middle of throwing stones. Taking revenge ultimately puts you at the same level as your perpetrator. In a conflict, take the high road, keep your head, and for goodness sake, just because everyone is egging you on, it doesn’t mean you should keep kicking someone while they’re down.
3) Anger is not a bad thing, how you respond to your anger can be positive or negative.
People are angry a lot these days: politics, religion, culture, and did we say politics? While it is often perceived as a bad thing because of the negative ways people respond to their anger, justified anger is sometimes the appropriate response. If you found out someone you loved was sexually abused, bullied, or treated unfairly, accepting the situation as is, shows indifference and not love.
Instead of flying off the handle, justified anger is like a surgeon: it recognizes the problem, and seeks to demolish the problem instead of the person.
4) Sometimes the best move is to walk away.
(Luke P, this isn’t just directed to you, bro.) If you are someone that gets a lil’ crazy when you’re angry, sometimes it’s best to remove yourself and cool down for a bit. Instead of letting things spiral and saying things you’ll regret later, removing yourself from a situation can help clear your head and focus in on the main issues. Try writing a few things down, exercising, or doing something to get your mind off of the argument.
5) At some point, you either have to forgive and forget, or forgive and move on.
Let us explain: if your love is bigger than the conflict, you have to decide to let it go (as long as it’s healthy to do so). If you know you can’t move past it, decide to move on. If you cannot forgive in either case, than you will never truly be able to move passed the issue. At some point, for your own health and well-being, forgiveness is your only option. We know it’s not easy, but it is necessary.
If you’ve been watching the Bachelorette, what are your thoughts on the show? And the season finale?!? (We are still cringing.)
Who are you most excited to see in Bachelor in Paradise?