flame Dec 02, 2020

Ladies, we all know that breakups are never easy. Whether it was your decision or his, “mutual” or not, it can be hard to get over your ex. You’ve spent weeks, months, or even years with him or her, and figuring out how to ‘do life’ without them can be intimidating.

If you’re currently in the post-break up phase where you’re trying to figure out what’s next, we’re here to help. Much like the 5 stages of grief, there are 5 stages post break up:

+Desperate for answers



+Initial acceptance

+Redirected hope

Break-ups are hard no matter who you are. Here are some tips for getting over your break up quickly and effectively.

First, immerse yourself in sadness/anger:

In order to acknowledge that yes, it is over, you need to allow yourself to feel everything. Don’t ignore it. Don’t avoid it. Listen to sad music, watch bad rom-coms, complain to your girlfriends, scream into your pillow, drink wine, and eat ice cream.

Sample playlist:

  1. "Since U Been Gone," Kelly Clarkson

  2. "Forget You," Cee Lo Green

  3. "Irreplaceable," Beyoncé

  4. "Don't Speak," No Doubt

  5. "Cry Me a River," Justin Timberlake

  6. "Tainted Love," Soft Cell

  7. "You Oughta Know," Alanis Morissette

  8. "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together," Taylor Swift

  9. "Stronger," Britney Spears

  10. "Burn," Usher

  11. "Someone Like You," Adele

  12. "Smile," Lily Allen

  13. "Tears Dry On Their Own," Amy Winehouse

  14. "So What," Pink

  15. "Roses," Outkast

  16. "Fighter," Christina Aguilera

  17. "My Favorite Mistake," Sheryl Crow

  18. "I'm Gonna Be Alright," Jennifer Lopez

  19. "Goodbye to You," Michelle Branch

  20. "Too Little Too Late," JoJo

Our perfect evening of indulgence:

+Table 5 frozen pizza (our fav!)
→ Or, you should seriously consider Taco Bell…
→ Or, Whataburger, 5 Guys, In n Out
→ Or… any take out, really!
+Skillet Cookie (ice cream on top, always)
+Trader Joe’s Wine (for the cheap stuff)

Netflix Binges:

For funny & familiar--
The Office
New Girl
Parks & Rec

To get in your feels--
Grey’s Anatomy
10 Things I Hate About You
The Break Up
The Notebook
About Time

To forget--
Stranger Things
Breaking Bad

Cut them out of your life:

The sooner you start acting like it’s over, the sooner you’ll be able to move on. It can be easy to rationalize… he or she was my best friend, why can’t we still be friends? This may be true down the road, but when the feelings are still raw, do not kid yourself. You cannot be as close as you once were- there was a reason why it didn’t work out. Don’t extend your hurt longer than you need to.

Our advice?

+Delete your ex from your contacts

+Unfollow him or her from your social media

+Avoid places you know they are likely to go to

+Think twice about your shared friends

Remember: you’re not being mean or dramatic. You are taking temporary (but necessary!) measures for your own personal well-being. This does not have to be permanent, but it needs to be done.

Use the time to find yourself:

It’s natural to start picking up habits and hobbies from the person you were dating. Sometimes after a break up, you can feel empty--like a part of you went missing. Try to enjoy your time of singleness and look at it as a way for you to become a healthy and whole person on your own. Do not (we repeat do not!) immediately start dating again. Look at your break up as a fresh start, and you will find that you can grow in ways you never imagined.

Try some of these recommendations...

+Explore your creative side (write, take photos, draw… do the things you once loved)

+Try a new workout class (or walk! Run! Join a gym!)

+Volunteer (giving back helps you put things in perspective)

+Be spontaneous (take a vacay-- check out our tips to traveling cheap here, go skydiving, or just get up early and watch a sunrise)

+Update your wardrobe (new clothes feel like a million bucks)

Always remember: it’s not the end of the world, things will get better, and at the right time, you will find your soulmate.

We love you, girl. And if you’re post break-up, lonely, and lookin’ for community, join our SheFactor app (it’s free!) and find your very own girl squad. We’re here for ya.